Relationships Need Respect

             David is probably one of the most well-known characters of the Old Testament.  However, we often overlook his wives and the impact they had on his life and work.  He had at least eight wives, but the two that we hear the most about are Michal and Abigail.  The character of these women as well as their interaction with David are very different.

            Michal was the second daughter of King Saul.  She loved David (I Samuel 18: 20).  King Saul offered her to David as if she were property in hopes that she would somehow lead to David’s downfall.  David killed 100 Philistine warriors to become the King’s son-in-law, but there is no indication that he loved Michal.  Later, when Saul tried to kill David, Michal foiled the plot by helping David to escape.  Saul punished her by giving her to another man (I Samuel 25: 44).  David did nothing.

            Some nine years later, David asserted his power as King and demanded that Michal be returned to him.  Against the wishes of her new husband who loved her dearly, she was returned to David, much like an animal would be returned to its owner (II Samuel 3: 13 – 16). It’s no wonder that Michal despised David.

            In stark contrast to Michal’s relationship with David, his wife, Abigail, was a strong, well-respected woman.  She also helped David in a time of peril, but she challenged David to maintain his integrity and respect the role that God had given him. David praised God for her good judgment and prayed God’s blessings on her.  Ultimately, he asked her to marry him (I Samuel 25: 14 – 35 & 39 - 42). 

            Later, when the Amalekites raided David’s camp and took Abigail and others captive, David went after her.  This time he did not allow another man to take his wife (I Samuel 30: 1 – 20).

            Michal loved David, but we don’t know if she loved the man or his reputation.  There is no indication that she challenged her father’s efforts to use her as a bargaining chip or a punishment.  It appears that David saw her only as his property, the spoils of war. As a result, Michal became a bitter woman.

            In contrast, Abigail respected David’s position as the anointed King, but she was not afraid to hold him accountable to God.  The Scripture does not tell us whether there was “love” between David and Abigail, but there was mutual respect, both for God and each other.

            No relationship—marriage, friendship, or business—can survive without respect.  Respect includes admiration for someone’s abilities and qualities, and it will elicit a deep regard for their feelings, wishes, and rights. 

David and Michal did not have any respect for each other. Michal was infatuated while David was power-hungry.  David and Abigail mutually respected each other.  Abigail respected him as the chosen king and wanted him to lead in a manner worthy of that position.  David respected Abigail’s good judgment and her honesty.  The result was a relationship without bitterness.

Whatever relationship you are dealing with, make sure that you can mutually respect each other.  Without it, those initial “feelings” may lead to bitterness, distrust, and a failed relationship.  Our relationships must also be built on respect for God and His principles.  Respect for Him will lead to integrity which will serve to grow respect for each other.

I Samuel 14: 49; 18: 5 – 29; 19: 11 – 17; 25: 2 – 44; 27: 1 – 4; & 30: 1 - 20

II Samuel 2: 1 – 7; 3: 1 – 5, 13 – 16; & 6: 12 - 23

I Timothy 3: 8 & 11

I Peter 2: 17